You know that old pick up line, the one where the guy says to the girl, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Well I actually had that happen to me, love at first sight that is, not the pick up line :-).
I was thinking of the concept of love at first sight tonight. What is love at first sight and what does it mean to have experienced it and then to have lost it. Sometimes, I think that a part of me is missing. I always feel silly for saying this because I know its not a very healthy outlook on life.
In almost every article and book I read on love, the modern feminist point of view that is espoused is to concentrate on your own needs and wants. Hooking up, casual dating are enshrined, while the realities of marriage are rarely mentioned. It almost seems like I'm not supposed to care about finding a husband or g-d forbid even consider starting a family. What has emerged instead in most women's magazine is an ethos of leading your life based on the principles of Ayn Rand, meaning living life solely for yourself. This has never sat well with me and I know I will never be truly happy living life for my own selfish gain.
In almost every article and book I read on love, the modern feminist point of view that is espoused is to concentrate on your own needs and wants. Hooking up, casual dating are enshrined, while the realities of marriage are rarely mentioned. It almost seems like I'm not supposed to care about finding a husband or g-d forbid even consider starting a family. What has emerged instead in most women's magazine is an ethos of leading your life based on the principles of Ayn Rand, meaning living life solely for yourself. This has never sat well with me and I know I will never be truly happy living life for my own selfish gain.
Although I am happy being here in DC working and being a "grown up" a part of me is very alone and looking for love. Sure I've dated, and met many wonderful guys, some of whom I have had chemistry with. But there is no better moment than that moment when your soul finds its other half. And I felt it from the moment I stared at him, I knew something was different. We exchanged names and the air felt electrified between us, time literally stood still. I just forgot who I was, where I was and let my heart open. Since that moment I have realized that it is not always easy to fall in love again like that.
It takes sacrifice and selflessness. I think that vulnerable romantic part of me died when things didn't work out between us both....because I've never met anyone who has even come close to giving me those feelings again. And in almost every relationship I've been in afterwards it seems that I just can't return the love, sentimentality and affection of others.
It takes sacrifice and selflessness. I think that vulnerable romantic part of me died when things didn't work out between us both....because I've never met anyone who has even come close to giving me those feelings again. And in almost every relationship I've been in afterwards it seems that I just can't return the love, sentimentality and affection of others.
So it got me thinking to the concept of Bashert. The concept isn't just neccesarily a soul mate, bashert means fate. It means the g-d has placed a person (or multiple people in some cases) on earth for you to find. Your "bashert" is the soul chosen to accompany your soul on life's journey. He is not only your future spouse but your other half.
I'm sure you've all heard of the concept of Adam and Eve, how Eve was made from a rib of Adams body? Meaning they were joined at a point and then g-d made them into two seperate beings. But they were always connected spiritually by that event . A smiliar concept exists in Judaism, as we all long for our other half.
I'm sure you've all heard of the concept of Adam and Eve, how Eve was made from a rib of Adams body? Meaning they were joined at a point and then g-d made them into two seperate beings. But they were always connected spiritually by that event . A smiliar concept exists in Judaism, as we all long for our other half.
I talked this over with my best friend who is very learned and educated in Jewish law. She brought up a good point, which is, that in life we can have multiple Basherts.
We can have basherts or soulmates for different stages in our life. We all go through different stages in life and sometimes we fall in love with people that are appropriate for that stage. I met him when I was 19, still in college, naive and a hopeless romantic.
Now I'm 23, independent, focused on my career and living in a new city. Times have changed, and I don't think that the person I thought was my bashert could have kept up the pace with my life.
And yet sometimes when I'm lonely I'll still think of him and wonder the "what ifs". So I guess that despite everything you will never forget your first love.....
We can have basherts or soulmates for different stages in our life. We all go through different stages in life and sometimes we fall in love with people that are appropriate for that stage. I met him when I was 19, still in college, naive and a hopeless romantic.
Now I'm 23, independent, focused on my career and living in a new city. Times have changed, and I don't think that the person I thought was my bashert could have kept up the pace with my life.
And yet sometimes when I'm lonely I'll still think of him and wonder the "what ifs". So I guess that despite everything you will never forget your first love.....
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